Saturday, May 3, 2014

This And That

Most people fight about "THIS" when what they really want is "THAT"...

Your argument is NOT REALLY about who should do dishes, or forgetting to put a new bag in the trashcan or leaving wet clothes on the floor. Yes, you probably think its important to have these things done… and done your way. However, in the grand scheme of things the world will not spin off its axis if you have to fold the laundry and they never do. Sure its not fair, but life is not fair. There are things they do that you never do.

THIS is not really THAT important.

What is THAT important?

What is THIS really about???

THIS is Really About THAT...

Almost all your arguments are Really about:
1. Trust & Betrayal
2. Respect & Significance
3. Care & Support
4. Attention & Affection
5. Understanding & Acceptance

You are not THIS furious about a FaceBook message from an ex-boyfriend.  
You are worried THAT it may give you a reason to not trust your partner, or worse yet THAT you are already betrayed.

You are not THIS angry about him being late and not calling.
You feel disrespected because THAT means you are not significant enough to him.

You are not THIS frustrated about her not doing the dishes.
You feel unsupported because THAT means she does not care as much as you do.

You are not THIS pissed-off because you just want sex.
You are hurt because THAT means you are not are attractive enough to get their attention and affection.

You are not THIS upset because your partner is not interested in your foot fetish.
You feel THAT your partner thinks you’re weird and doesn’t understand your desire or accept who you are.

Be careful about the meaning you assign to your partner’s actions. Anger (frustrated, upset, pissed-off, furious, rage…) is a protective emotion. Learn to identify what your Anger is protecting. What meaning are you assigning to your partner’s actions and how does that really make you feel? What is behind the anger???


Jacqueline Fox, “Wait!? this is supposed to be about pushing envelope. We are supposed to be talking about SEX.

Brad Wolf, “Remember, THIS is always about THAT.”

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