Sunday, March 30, 2014

Great Expectations

Expectations are the “Chinese Democracy” of life. One waits to long for something that just can’t be good enough. Expectations undermine relationships because they are often never communicated thereby requiring telepathy to discern. They undermine relationships because they often ignore reality of life and set their partner up for failure. They undermine relationships since they are limited to the perspective of the one holding the expectation, therefore ignoring what the other person is actually contributing. Most importantly expectations set the individual up for disappointment. Nothing is more disappointing than thinking "this is going to be great!" only to bite into something mediocre. But who's fault is it for that mediocrity? 

Too many times we set others up for failure. If I expect you to read my mind; if I expect you to know what I need; if I expect you to give me what I want (without making my desires known) then I will be left wanting. There is just no way for you to know everything about me. Even if I do communicate my desires, it is not always possible to give me all that I want. Its important to recognize what is “wanted” and what is “needed.” It is also important to recognize the difference between intention and result. Sometimes people fail to give us want we want despite their best effort to the contrary. No one person can be the end-all-be-all of our life. Sorry, there is no Prince Charming to sweep you off and give you the world. Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe in “happily-ever-after,” it just doesn't happen by finding the perfect person. Hate to break it to you. No one is perfect... And that is not breaking news. In fact take a look at the crap that breaks cross your TV and passes as news... See that... Nothing is perfect.

The real culprit is expectations of your self. Too many times we believe that we shouldn't fail. The best advice I received came from a volleyball coach who said, “everyone thinks they are better player than they really are.” If you expect yourself to be perfect you will let yourself down repeatedly. If you think you got it all together then you will always blame your partner; because it must be their fault.

Sometimes you have to learn to live with yourself before you live with others, and sometimes you just have to live.

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